Public Displays

Have you ever thought it would be a good idea to wear a sign around your neck proclaiming something important to those around you about yourself? I’ve heard this idea brought up in fake date conversations in various movies I’ve seen. What would yours say? Mine would read:
SOCIAL DISASTER…at least today anyway.

Have you ever had one of those moments when you were so incredibly lame that you wished that you could crawl into a whole and disappear? Has that same moment ever made you feel old? Have you ever been embarrassed for your kids even though they are not old enough to be embarrassed by you and were not even in the same state as you? Well, today I was that person….more than once.

As stated yesterday, I’m on a business trip this weekend in beautiful Lowell, MA. The first time I visited this town it was dreary and wet and gray and honestly, I wasn’t sure I was so excited about coming back. But that was almost 2 years ago and for some reason it’s really pretty and looks like someone polished it up a bit since I last visited. I’m kind of enjoying driving around Lowell this weekend. But, I’m afraid that they might not invite me back if they knew what a social disaster I am.

So, worst thing about rental cars and driving in towns you are unfamiliar with while trying to listen to a navigation is that you become a HORRIBLE driver. Guilty as charged this weekend. I have run over at least three curbs, done over five u-turns, and parked illegally while I ran in to pick up my dinner.

On top of that I am teaching an amazing group of people this weekend who are most 10+ years younger than me. So, I’m feeling kind of a like a dork and all of my references seem outdated and I am irrelevant. Plus, while I was standing up in front of the class today I had a majorly embarrassing cough attack for which I had to run out of the room and retrieve more water. I also feel like my usually cute yoga pants looked a lot like mom pants today and I kept fidgeting with the front of them like they were attacking my midsection.

And are you ready for more? Last night I attempted to “catch the elevator” in my hotel by jumping into it as the doors were closing. I thought I would make a very nimble and graceful leap into the elevator and narrowly miss the closing doors and magically escape the incident without cause for concern. But, as you’ve already guessed, that was not the case. I, instead, jumped into the elevator door and then ricocheted off of it into the other door and almost fell on top of some college baseball player from Maine who was standing in the elevator. He looked horrified and confused and, as I said, “Ooops, I just totally hit the door” he stared at me like he wasn’t sure if I were being funny or if I were a mental case that needed some serious medical attention. I had to ride three floors down with this kid and felt the need to make small talk with him about baseball (I don’t follow that sport) and a full hotel. LAME!

Okay, and to complete my elevator encounters this weekend, I also rode up with a very confused couple who are rooming a few doors down from me. They thought that my breast pump bag and yoga pants meant that I was with one of the teams in town this weekend. If only they knew what was in the bag I was carrying… And finally, upon entering the elevator I was greeted with, “Welcome to Moe’s!” when I clearly was at Courtyard and not Moe’s. But I guess the kid who yelled it was tweeting it and then was “sniped” by someone. This is where I started to feel really old and un-tech-savy because I don’t know how you talk to tweet nor do I know how or why you would snipe someone.

So, overall, I feel completely unfit for social interactions at this point and have a very large bruise on my leg to prove that I should at least be banned from elevators for the time being.

Good night blog world. Keep breathing, tomorrow is another day.