And Then You Get Smacked in the Face

So, yesterday I was all zen about how it was okay to miss a day of meditation, okay to take a break from my yoga and I wrote my little post and sent it off to internetland and then….I open my book and think…yeah, so today totally negates everything I just thought and felt and said. Why did this happen? Well, because the Day 6 reading was about renunciation and practice. Did you catch that last word? PRACTICE! The exact thing that I wasn’t doing on Sunday. Then I felt like beating myself up about failing at yoga and my meditation, but then I thought, I’m not supposed to beat myself up, and it caused a whole vicious cycle.

In the end, this is the take away from yesterday’s reading:
-If you say you’re going to do something, follow through with it because if you don’t you’ll end up back where you already were
-Practice is important because if you don’t practice living the way you want to live, you’ll never get there
-Practice alone won’t do the trick either, the two work together kind of like a yin and yang, and just practicing will keep you blocked in your attempt to grow

Remember way back to resolutions in January and all the tiny steps since then I’ve been taking? I keep moving forward in the direction of both renunciation and practice, but I’m not there yet. I know that this journey may seem a little insane and a little incohesive at this point, but give it some time if you’re willing to try it too. Think about how each of these ideas is building upon the other. So, now I have given up my pretenses about who I am and what to expect while I do this journey. I have given up control over what happens and taken up everything all at once. I’ve vowed to practice and get to know my mat and myself better. And I set out in service to make the world a better place and my world a better place by making myself a better me, by discovering the power inside of me. So, this afternoon, as I step to my mat, I approach it open again, who knows what will come, but I won’t ask what’s in it for me, I will just let it be.