Running Blind

Dear Mom,

I went out for a run today without my glasses or contacts and here is what I learned about myself:

  • Sometimes I’m terrified of what I can’t see even if there is no reason to be afraid. Bunnies are not going to harm me, but their rustling in the bushes when I’m in a place that is new and unfamiliar can sound like mountain lions and wolves and bears coming to eat your daughter.
  • Usually about 2 miles into a run I have to pee. Sometimes it’s so bad that I have to walk funny and then curse at myself for having had children who have made my bladder weak and my pelvic floor muscles loose. Then I realize that it’s not their fault and I should spend more time working on my Pilates or maybe even just remember to use the bathroom right before I run.
  • I miss the fall. Wilmington doesn’t really do fall at fall time. It kind of waits until winter to have fall weather and then sometimes it’s 80 degrees in January. And I like watching the leaves change, even if they hadn’t yet here….I still knew they were going to and that made me jealous.
  • I have not yet conquered my fear of outhouses. Remember when we were younger and you would make us use them on the side of the road on family trips? Remember how I would cry because of the Daddy Long Leg spiders that lived inside and how it was a giant hole in the ground filled with human waste that I might fall into because I was a little girl? Remember how it smelled worse than driving past a large scale pig farm in the dead of summer? REMEMBER!? Well, the turn around point on my run had one and it was my only option after 3 miles (1 of which was a walk run in between what felt like bursts of pee attempting to escape).
  • I haven’t changed much in other ways either. I still feel like I did when I ran cross country in high school almost 20 years ago. I still suffer sometimes from that painful right hip and I still have an affinity for running in dirt over pavement. I love the smell of being outdoors and having a long and winding trail in front of me. And holding a set of keys as I run is about the most natural thing for me. I also could care less about Truffle Shuffle when I’m out there staring at the blue sky and the greenery.
  • I still got the distance! I ran (and the little walk included) 6 miles today! And I’m amazing in that I did it at an average pace of 9:00/mile and felt like I could have kept going for a little more! This so made up for the lack of fitness center at my hotel whose furniture looks like it was taken from a retirement home yard sale.
  • I suck at Pratyahara. 😦 This makes me sad, but only just a little. It reminds me that my yoga is still, and probably always will be, a practice that needs to be cultivated. I wish I could tune into my body more and turn off all other senses or rather, direct them inward. Instead, my brain lists and thinks and finds it hard to shut down. I guess that’s just another way I haven’t changed in the last almost 34 years.
  • I am happy! Thank you Mom for giving me life. I will be 34 in two weeks from today and I just thought you should know that I’m still me, but a slightly better version of me. Always changing, but always the same.
Love Always,
Your Daughter AL

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