Dear Infinite World Around Me,
I do not know if I have ever truly prayed….at least not in the sense of how Gates speaks of it in relation to Brahmacarya. He says that prayer is a surrender to something greater than yourself. I remember being younger and attending Religious Education at the Catholic church and being taught to pray. I know the words of several prayers, but I’m not always sure that my intentions are behind the words being said. I don’t remember ever having that feeling; a deep commitment to something greater than myself. At least not something that I feel I am 100% sure exists. I know the days I have longed for that. I know the times I have prayed and asked for something to be the outcome I desired.
I have never considered myself to be a religious person, but always felt that I knew what I believed in and that was good enough. I have faith in people. However, I have never been able to put into words what it is that makes me have faith or what exactly it is that I believe. I guess I just figured that when I was confronted with a situation that I’d know what I feel is right and wrong and that would be good enough. But to surrender? To give up all control and doubt? To know that I should no longer ask for something to be an outcome, but just to let it be?
I don’t know if I really do believe in something greater than me some days. I don’t know if that means that I don’t truly stand for anything. I don’t know if it’s a sign of being scared to find out what else there is. And I don’t know if I could ever be truly selfless in prayer as I’ve not been conditioned to pray in that way. Without sounding selfish….some answers please?
Do you ask for things when you pray?
Have you surrendered to a higher power?