“…energy is like a muscle; it grows when we use it.” p.65
My run yesterday got me thinking about this portion of the Day 49 reading in the Gates’ book. I started thinking, while I ran, about my motivation for a lot of things in life. Then my thoughts changed to what I was going to do for the rest of the day and what I would write about on Monday (today). I was planning out my time with my mom (she comes in tomorrow afternoon) and then came the chance to choose on my run route to go 1.71 miles or 1.91 miles (or so I thought). I chose to go further and then felt drained as I went through the rest of my run. My mind said, why did you do this? I wasn’t ready yet. And all kinds of other negative talk to my body and my body listened. I tried to bargain with my body and said that I would just run a little further and then I could walk a certain portion. I started yelling at my mind and my body to work together. I started thinking that maybe I’m too old to run as fast and as far as I’d like. I started remembering what it was like to run high school cross country and wished again for 2 miles in under 16 minutes. I think my best time ever was 15:40…I looked at my watch and I wasn’t going to make it.
In the Day 49 reading Gates talks about how we have to believe that we are good or we believe that we are not and that every moment of your life you are making that exact choice. It’s all about how you experience yourself. In wanting to see myself as stronger this year, I need to choose each moment to believe that I am strong. If I keep using that belief over and over again, that belief, like a muscle that is trained, will grow. When I finished my run my husband asked (as he always does), “How was it?” And I said, “Awful.” I recounted how I feel like I’m getting faster, but I’m also getting older. Neither of those qualities has anything to do with stronger in my book.
Later on in the day I mapped my run and found out that I had taken a different course than I had in my mind and that I had actually run 2.08 miles in 17 minutes and 25 seconds; a pace of 8:22/mile. Not only was it my second furthest run of 2015, but also my second fastest and the fastest at that distance. This made me feel a lot stronger about my running and about myself in general. I have doubting moments like all people do. However, I need to remember that in order for me to view myself as stronger, that has to come from within. That belief needs to be cultivated and chosen every moment of every day. The belief and the viewpoint that I am strong in all of the elements I measure myself in will take hold if I choose it to.
|The first Half-Ironman I finished; days after graduating from college.|
How do you choose to experience yourself today?