Meditation Monday #8: Relations

I apologize for the long absence from my blog posting. My mother came to visit for a week to celebrate my son’s 4th birthday which I will post all about later this week and then my family was struck down with a variety of sicknesses that all prevented me from blogging and reading other blogs. However, I was able to finish reading something else:

No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind by Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson.

I was lucky enough to get a copy of this book from my local library, but it was in high demand and I ultimately returned it late with a fine because I just had to finish it. This book made me cry and laugh and cry some more. It spoke to me as more than just a parenting book and I recommend you check it out whether you’re a parent or not. Here are some other praises for the book:
Time Magazine Online
Parents Magazine Online
Huffington Post

Usually in a Meditation Monday post I write about a way that yoga and the teachings of yoga can help you to be a better person, but today I want you to look back at who you are and think about if it’s all you could have been if things had been different when you were growing up? Not everyone has a perfect childhood and not everyone has a bad one either. Neither determines 100% of who you will be when you grow up, but I do believe there are some things that I missed out on that have led me down a certain path in life.

I have an incoherent core self caused by the many times my internal feelings were not validated in my many relationships over the past 34 years. I do believe that it’s always okay to feel how you feel. People who love you should be there for you even when you’re at your worst. Behaviors may be right or wrong, but not feelings. It is sometimes hard for me to trust and open up or share my feelings because I have been told too often that they are wrong. And when I’m falling apart, all I have ever needed was human contact and validation. I think the worst thing you can do to a kid is to shut down their feelings or not let them cry. I have felt disconnected over the years from my parents for various reasons and all of them emotionally related. I have been told to suck it up, pull it together, it’s no big deal, etc. I have been told as an adult in relationships that it’s not fun to be around you unless you’re happy. These are damaging statements to a person at any age.

I have been using my yoga to put myself back together, but I’m finding that there’s more to it than just my yoga practice. And, after reading this book, I am trying not to break my kids for whomever else they decide to love in their future.

Toward the end of the book there were two things that really stuck with me and I share them with you here:

P.203 You don’t have to get stuck in a negative experience. You don’t have to be a victim to external events, or internal emotions. You can use your mind to take charge of how you feel, and how you act.
(See Meditation Monday: Mind Over Matter)

P.211 Recent studies are suggesting that simply holding our bodies in various postures can actually shift our emotions, along with the way we view the world.
(See my post about resting into postures

Each of these things tells me that my yoga is a part of my healing process and so is positive thinking. So, each day I practice to not just be a better me, but to be a better wife, mother, friend, daughter, etc. I hope to heal myself and to prevent my children from ever needing to be healed. Check out the book and tell me what you think.