This sounds silly, I know, but I put off writing this post until I had all of the things I wanted to say ready for it.
It is my 300th post!
So, here are two things you need to know from the last week:
I am registered for the race that I’m doing this coming Sunday morning. It is my return to actual competitive action since August 2009. That’s a long time to stay away from racing. Do I plan to win anything? Not even close! But I’m going to go out and cross the finish line of a run with other people around me.
2.My Yoga is Still On Track
Here’s what I’ve been doing for the past week in yoga…….
- Wednesday the 13th – 5 minutes in Goddess pose because I deserve it.
- Thursday the 14th – 30 minutes of restorative poses while the little one does ABC mouse next to me.
- Friday the 15th-Sunday the 18th – Meditations from the Mat
This is something I really wanted to talk a lot about. The Day 56 reading in the Gates’ book really resonated with me and I decided to read it again each day of the weekend while I was away (see tomorrow’s post). As you can see from my picture here….I spent a little time each day adding to the thoughts I was having about Aparigraha. I’ve noted so many times that I have a hard time with the idea of Letting Go and this weekend’s reading said basically that we hold on because we are afraid; we seek fulfillment outside of ourselves because we are afraid; Letting go does not free us….we free ourselves from pain and unhappiness by letting go of that fear.
I wondered why we often feel so lost when we are so fortunate…..when I am so fortunate. So, for Friday night I sat in my hotel room late at night and I wrote down the Things I am fortunate for. It was a pretty simple and generic list. But, sometimes we all need that reminder. At the end I wrote my safety and my security because financially I am now at the point where I can choose to do some things over just scraping by. I live in a town full of crime. I had to turn the news off this morning so that my children didn’t have to hear another story about someone getting shot or hit by their teacher or arrested for drugs. But, I feel safe to go out and to take my child to school and leave him there.
I read a post this weekend about a photo that a mom took of her little girl standing on a toilet. At first the mom thought it was funny, but then found out that it was part of an active shooter drill her young daughter had learned at school. This made my heart sink, but I also feel that it’s important for us not to be in fear constantly.
Saturday I came back to the reading in the evening after my run and wrote down the times that I feel lost and feel in pain. In being honest with myself I was surprised to see so many extrinsically motivating items on the list. Things like others failing to recognize me and my accomplishments and when my body image doesn’t match my actual body. This last one is an area that I have struggled with for over 20 years and counting. However, in the past it was that I thought I wasn’t as thin as I was and now I often think that I look more fit than I do. The fact that body image is still making the list disappoints me some. My self worth is more than the size of my waist, the shape of my legs, the muscle definition of my arms.
Sunday I had some time to sit around and work while I was waiting for the workshop participants to finish their exam. So, since I knew that I would have little to no time after my 5+ hour drive home, I wrote down all of the ways that yoga is helping me deal with my other two lists. How does yoga make me recognize the fortunate aspects of my life and make me feel whole again? This is my favorite of the three lists.
- Monday the 19th I spent 5 minutes in meditation again with Dharmachakra mudra because I wasn’t sure where my practice should go next.
- Tuesday the 20th I spent 45 minutes practicing back care poses with a friend of mine. It was the most connected my yoga practice has felt in awhile.
And now today I don’t know what I will do for my practice, but I’m feeling a little bit more excited about where my practice is going and the depth of my self-reflection.
What would be on your three lists?