The publication of this post was delayed due to my poor scheduling habits and stomach flu suffered by my children. I’m behind again, but I’m taking a different stab at it this time around….I’m not stressing and I’m moving through my list as it was written instead of jumping around and falling further behind. Without further ado…..Expanded Meditation Monday, this time on Thursday!
I’ve been trying to figure out what to write about my meditation on Santosha this month, and then the thing happened last week and I wrote something and my meditation changed. It changed in two ways. First it stopped and then my perspective shifted.
I did the Day 70 meditation today (Monday) (not a scheduled meditation day this month) and Gates writes about feeling the Love that Moves the Sun as a sort of awakening from our spiritual winters. I am looking to feel moved by something again and I think that was reflected in the journaling of my first few meditations this month.
In looking at Santosha I focused a lot on how UN-content I was instead of how each moment of my life could just be enough. My work wasn’t enough, my relationships weren’t enough, my body wasn’t enough. Even as I read today I craved more still. I want to be energized, to be invigorated, to be awakened to the spiritual springtime of anything really! Of work, of exercise, of a cause dear to me, but I don’t know what I’m seeking and therefore I don’t know how to find it.
Am I seeking just contentment? Contentment in what?
So, each day I’m taking this with a new perspective. What can I be content with today and what do I have to use one of my Yamas to deal with? Can I be me and just let go of other’s judgment and expectations? Does being me align with what makes me content?
This morning I skipped my run because my flight had gotten in so late and I was worried about having “lost” my driver’s license. (I found it later this afternoon) I was okay with that after doing my mediation.
I didn’t teach yoga on Tuesday because my kids were sick. The dishes have sat in the sink more often than not lately. Dinner plans have changed for convenience of mind. And I didn’t run on Wednesday either. This morning I didn’t teach because the gym was closed. I have focused this week on being content with what has happened and who I am. I haven’t even pulled a single gray hair!
Realistically will I be able to maintain this attitude toward life every day? Not so much….I’m still on my Monday list and it’s Thursday. How likely is it that life can go on this far behind and continuing to fall that way? But I can choose to find contentedness in the work that I do, the relationships I have, and how I look/live/feel. Each day is a challenge and I will stand up to meet it the best that I can.