Today is my 37th Birthday. As I commented over at Fit is a Feminist Issue …..I still don’t feel like I’m 37. In many ways I feel like I’m still 19. That was my first birthday in college. That was my first birthday after my parents split. That was my first birthday that I didn’t really celebrate……
Today is also the last day of my Happiness Project. And….the results are in:
I am not any happier now than I was before.
I know, kind of anticlimactic right? The truth is that this take on making myself “happy” didn’t work any differently than any of my other resolution paths from the past. Why? Because I am who I am and that’s all that I am. (said Popeye the Sailor Man)
The real question is: Would I do this again?
Instead of a “happiness” project, I feel that I have begun a “habits” project. If you’ve been reading the blog the last week and a half, you’ll know that I’m reading Gretchen Rubin’s Better Than Before and focusing on ways to be better at what I do and who I am.
Yesterday I wrote a very brief post because I feel a little like the ground underneath me is shaky. I am trying to decide what my life will look like in a year from now. Do I go back to work full-time? Can I handle that kind of responsibility?
I’m trying to decide what my life looks like at the end of this year. Can I really drive two kids across the country by myself, again? I want to go and visit my family because I have this nagging feeling that it will be the last time that I see one of my grandmothers; even though there’s nothing to support that feeling at this time.
I’m trying to decide what my life looks like each day. Today I forced myself to keep a running date with T. While we walked first (at my request) I felt trepidation about the upcoming 1.5 mile run. Why? As we ran my mind wandered all over the place and I felt as if I hated running. Why? None of this is my “usual” and something is definitely off for me right now.
So, for now I am engaged in another episode of Self-Study. I am trying to figure out how to be the BEST ME.
What feelings does your birthday bring up?