Meditation Monday #64 – The Two Fears

I have been meditating almost daily this year thanks to the Mindful Mornings Meditation Challenge on InsightTimer that I did in January.  It’s over now, but I have been continuing to get up and have meditation as my first real act of the day. This past week I started using the Daily Insight feature, but found the FREE 5 minute option to be both useful and too short. So, this morning I started just scrolling through the suggestions on the main page and looking at what was in the time range I wanted to be in. I came across this meditation podcast:

https://insighttimer.com/groundedmind/guided-meditations/goals-for-2021-episode-number-9

I loved the idea of looking at fear from two perspectives:

  • Fear of Failure – which I am sure we are all very familiar with
  • Fear of Success – which is probably a lot less common

I am kind of glad that this podcast didn’t touch on FOMO because I’m kind of over FOMO at the moment as my puppy’s separation anxiety is just blown up FOMO.

Earlier this week I had a revelation about myself and relationships. I realized that I was not practicing yoga in my relationships. Aparigraha is about not hoarding or not holding on to things that don’t still belong to you or the you you are now. I realized that I was still holding out hope for a reconciliation of a relationship because I wanted what it had given me at one time. But, I am not that person any more and I don’t want to be that person, so I don’t really want that relationship.

As soon as I had that enlightening moment I was able to let go of the fear that I would never have that again and instead found that within myself. The thing I was missing? Honesty. Honesty about who I am and allowing myself to live that truth. Maybe I also had a fear of succeeding on my own? I will never know because I recognize that I am succeeding at giving myself what I need. I am allowing me to be me and to grow. I was able to let go of some fear this week.

What fear are you still living with?

Meditation Monday #63 – The Heart of the Holidays

Do you ever feel like The Grinch at the holidays? Like everyone is spending too much effort on being commercial and not enough time being authentic? I get annoyed at the lack of family time and how, just because it’s getting cooler out, we all seem to get less active.

This past weekend I did a Restorative Yoga training with NETA as I continue to work toward my official 200RYT. As we did a Yoga Nidra during the practice we came to an “I” statement. I focused on my disappointment. It’s a common thread in my life that I wish I could change. I am disappointed in a lot of things, but can I find the opposite of that? What is the opposite of that? Is it acceptance or happiness? How do I let that dissolve into my heart and let the heart change that disappointment into gratitude?

I have been using a meditation app for awhile now and this morning I did a short Sanskrit chant meditation for the heart by Singers 3nity Brothers and presented by Gaia Meditation. My goal in choosing this particular meditation was to open my heart chakra. I don’t want to be The Grinch right now. I want to find a center, an acceptance, a happiness, a presence….a different kind of green.

How are you feeling about the holidays?

Meditation Monday #62 – Here and Now

I spent this weekend trying to get prepared for today. Today my kids start virtual school and I start a new routine. But now that I am here I plan to be HERE….in the present…..no matter what that looks like.

Yesterday I listened to a meditation on Insight Timer by Elizabeth Gilbert….you know, Eat, Pray, Love. The meditation was one dealing with fear because I feel like respecting fear is part of my goals to both be present and to promote my wellness through Self-Love and Self-Responsibility. It’s okay to be afraid, but when I am, I just need to be here and be here for myself.

So, that’s what I’m doing today. I am going to follow some great advice from meditation practices, yoga, and The Wellness Inventory:

  • I will use my breath to monitor my emotions
  • I will take the time to notice my surroundings
  • I will make time to exercise and promote a physical response in life
  • I will meditate today and allow my mind to be aware of what is really going on inside of me
  • I will not spend too much time focused on the future or on things I cannot control in this moment

Today I am here.

Where are you today?

Meditation Monday #61 – One Day at a Time

SLOW DOWN!

I just want us all to take a moment and slow down. You don’t have to rush into anything today. Things will not be that drastically different tomorrow or in 5 minutes from now. Let’s just all take a quick moment to breathe, slow down, and refocus.

I have a lot on my mind these days. Today I started back to work (course prep online) and things aren’t going my way. Life is throwing a lot at me at the moment. I haven’t been exercising as I was earlier this summer. I am trying to figure out how to do it all. I am worried and stressed and feeling the same things that everyone else is feeling.

The difference?

I decided to take this week one day at a time. I haven’t filled out my calendar in full this week or any of the weeks coming up. I am planning. I am going slow. I am considering all parts of my health and wellness. Today, my only goals left are to go for a run, do a meditation, attend a training, and get done at least 1 more hour of work. It’s only 1230pm, but I don’t want to over do it on the first day and then be burnt out.

I have already done yoga, taken the kids for a walk, done 2 hours of work, and delivered stuff to the school. The day doesn’t have to be packed full today. I need to make space to breathe. You do too.

How are you making space in your life to slow down?

 

Meditation Monday #60 – Making Choices During COVID-19

Last week we had to decide if we were sending our kids back to school for the first 9 weeks or keeping them home. It was a big decision and took a lot of time to make. I had to reach deep into my heart and separate panic from reason. We discussed it in length, the pros and the cons of both options. Then, we laid out the facts to the boys. They’re 9 and 7 and have a good understanding of what’s going on. We told them their choices were to:

  1. Go back to school for a week and two weeks at home in rotation for 9 weeks
  2. Stay at home for 9 weeks continuing school online

We explained that Option 1 included wearing a mask all day at school, keeping 6 feet apart from teachers and other students, that only one kid could do a “work” at a time (Montessori lingo), washing hands and cleaning items would happen regularly, there would be lots of hand sanitizing, and I wasn’t sure that “Specials” would be happening. They also would not know who would be in their class that day as only 1/3 of the class could be there at a time and we don’t know who was opting into what. Then, they would be home doing online work the other two weeks and then go back to repeat the cycle.

We told them that the pluses to this would be that they could do hands on Montessori works again, they’d get to see their teachers and some of their friends, and they’d get out of the house.

We explained that Option 2 would be like it was in the spring. They would have the same schedule they’d had then, but they’d not go to the school at all. We also explained that with the fully online we could continue to have socially distant play dates at the beach with other families that chose that same option.

This is something we’ve been doing for a few weeks early in the morning before crowds arrive at the beach. We go for 2 hours and let the kids run in and out of the water and we stay a good distance from our friends. I have felt “okay” about doing this because we’re not in anyone else’s house and we’ve all been doing the same amount of social distancing this entire time. We all have the same values and the same fears. We’re all following the guidelines set by our Governor and we’re not being cavalier.

Not surprisingly to me, the boys chose Option 2. My kids miss being in school and they miss their friends and Montessori learning. However, they know the importance of fighting the good fight. They also hate wearing masks and didn’t feel they could do it for 7 hours a day, 5 days in a row. They also liked the idea of consistency. They don’t have to figure out if they’re going to school or staying home. It’s going to be a (now) familiar routine.

We will not home school our kids forever; it’s not what they or we want. I want them to get back to their school, when it’s safer to do so, when the numbers in our state are not climbing. Until then, they’re doing their part to help flatten the curve by staying home.

Now…..I have to figure out what to do about my work as a college lecturer.

How are you feeling about school?

What big decisions are you making during this pandemic?

 

Meditation Monday #59 – Give and Take

How do you balance give and take in your life?

I have been doing a lot of meditation on self-love lately and realizing that some of that talk is very one sided. It asks you to give to yourself and not so much to others. But it doesn’t focus on allowing yourself to take from others so much.

I was reading on The Wellness Inventory today in the self-love study center and came across the Statement Commentary called It is OK for me to be out-of-balance, vulnerable, or in need.

I have used this one in the past to write this post: Wellness Wednesday #2 – I Am A Glorious Series of Contradictions

I Am A Glorious Series of Contradictions

For me, Self Love and Responsibility have been about knowing that it’s okay to be out of balance from time to time; to share that experience with others being vulnerable and in need. It’s been about increasing that interdependence and asking for help from time to time. It’s about accepting life without expectation of outcome and accepting the outcome of my decisions when they reveal themselves. It’s about learning that giving only to others doesn’t fulfill all that I need, but it does complete me.

I am making more time for self-care as I and my children get older. I do it through physical activity, meditation, getting more sleep, journaling, making time to read more, and trying to make sure the world I surround myself with fits my model of self love. I am trying to learn more about how to be accountable and accepting of my choices as well as how to learn from the ones that didn’t serve me. I am growing more assertive and responsible for my ultimate outcome in life. And I’m trying to be more kind to myself by letting go of some outcomes.

 

Today I also saw this quote on a blog that I follow:

Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving 
to be your best. Perfectionism is the belief 
that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, 
we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, 
judgement, and shame. It’s a shield.
~Brené Brown
I am having the kind of day in which I wish I were supported by others. I wish that my self-love was more like others loving me and holding me up. I need to feel loved for who I am today by more than just myself. I am facing difficult challenges and today, the give and take doesn’t feel like I have received enough. Today I want to take. Today I want to take someone’s hand/shoulder/support and lean in to it. I want to feel held and seen and like it’s okay to be me and that I don’t have to do life alone.
I am strong most days, today is just not one of those day.

Can you ask for love when you need it?

 

Meditation Monday #58 – Fresh Start

Do you know what I love about Mondays? Everything. It’s a new start of the week, it’s a fresh page in my planner, it’s back to things as usual.

Today I woke up late because I had left my phone upstairs, not plugged in, and I never heard my alarm. I missed doing yoga and mediation before others got up. I slept in 2 extra hours!

Most people would be going crazy if this happened to them. Not me, it’s Monday. Whenever I start my Monday it’s a fresh start…..

So far today I have caught up on housecleaning, finished my planned work for the day, and it’s only 2:15pm. Two hours were not lost, they were just used for something else.

Monday is a chance to restart your outlook on everything. Forget the first of the month or the first of the year or the first day of school/work……let’s try starting fresh on Mondays.

When do you wipe your slate clean?

Meditation Monday #56 – How to Meditate – Body Position

I’ve been going strong on meditation now for the past couple of weeks. I am using the Insight Timer app (and no, I’m not sponsored by them….I don’t even have a paid account) and have now worked my way fully through the Self-Esteem section for Beginners. But, when I meditate, I break the rules a little……
Continue reading “Meditation Monday #56 – How to Meditate – Body Position”

Meditation Monday #56 – Finding Symmetry Before Depth

It’s been almost a year since I wrote my own Meditation Monday post…..it’s been almost as long since I really dedicated time to my own meditation. Lately I’ve been using small meditation sessions on YouTube in the early morning hours when I actually get up at 6am and do some yoga. It’s helping.

Last week I was doing some yoga (not in the morning) and Erin Motz said to

go for symmetry before depth; the depth will come naturally

Although she was talking about pigeon pose; this really made me think about life in general and how we all need balance. That all of the great and wonderful experiences in life only come when you have balance. Maybe it’s me being a Libra and loving balance and justice, but I truly feel that all of life needs BALANCE before everything else.

I wonder if this is a hint about last week’s Wellness Wednesday question….where to start?