Meditation Monday #59 – Give and Take

How do you balance give and take in your life?

I have been doing a lot of meditation on self-love lately and realizing that some of that talk is very one sided. It asks you to give to yourself and not so much to others. But it doesn’t focus on allowing yourself to take from others so much.

I was reading on The Wellness Inventory today in the self-love study center and came across the Statement Commentary called It is OK for me to be out-of-balance, vulnerable, or in need.

I have used this one in the past to write this post: Wellness Wednesday #2 – I Am A Glorious Series of Contradictions

I Am A Glorious Series of Contradictions

For me, Self Love and Responsibility have been about knowing that it’s okay to be out of balance from time to time; to share that experience with others being vulnerable and in need. It’s been about increasing that interdependence and asking for help from time to time. It’s about accepting life without expectation of outcome and accepting the outcome of my decisions when they reveal themselves. It’s about learning that giving only to others doesn’t fulfill all that I need, but it does complete me.

I am making more time for self-care as I and my children get older. I do it through physical activity, meditation, getting more sleep, journaling, making time to read more, and trying to make sure the world I surround myself with fits my model of self love. I am trying to learn more about how to be accountable and accepting of my choices as well as how to learn from the ones that didn’t serve me. I am growing more assertive and responsible for my ultimate outcome in life. And I’m trying to be more kind to myself by letting go of some outcomes.

 

Today I also saw this quote on a blog that I follow:

Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving 
to be your best. Perfectionism is the belief 
that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, 
we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, 
judgement, and shame. It’s a shield.
~Brené Brown
I am having the kind of day in which I wish I were supported by others. I wish that my self-love was more like others loving me and holding me up. I need to feel loved for who I am today by more than just myself. I am facing difficult challenges and today, the give and take doesn’t feel like I have received enough. Today I want to take. Today I want to take someone’s hand/shoulder/support and lean in to it. I want to feel held and seen and like it’s okay to be me and that I don’t have to do life alone.
I am strong most days, today is just not one of those day.

Can you ask for love when you need it?

 

And Then March Happened

Sixteen days ago I was Thinking Out Loud about how excited I was to be on Spring Break and getting time to recover from bronchitis and get back to life as usual. But, we all know how that has turned out. So, now I am sitting here on a Saturday evening prepping for my first week of teaching online and my second week of homeschooling. We are all healthy and somewhat happy at our house, but mostly just thankful.

Choosing Peace Instead of Panic

I saw an interview the other day with a minister in Italy who is American. She and her husband and their two children are in the lock down there. She said something really profound, that they’re “…choosing peace over panic…”. I loved that saying so much that I have been using it as a personal mantra this week. I have not panicked when:

  • I learned that I would be teaching online for the WHOLE rest of the semester
  • I realized that my kids may not go back to school this school year
  • I gave up on the hope of completing my half marathon this spring
  • Technology fails have happened
  • We made a beautiful dinner and then the kids only ate half of it
  • All of the toilet paper disappeared from stores
  • The school science experiment called for heavy whipping cream and all I could find was half and half
  • I heard my neighbor outside on the phone which seemed like she’s talking to a doctor…..

Adjusting to Temporary Normal

I am thankful that my kids and I are adjusting to this temporary normal quite well. We have talked about what is going on, why it’s not time to panic, why we are staying home and how we don’t know what comes next. We’ve talked about what everyone needs and created a way to communicate that is factual but not scary. Emphasizing the reality and severity of the situation, but not over dramatizing it.

Our temporary normal means that right now we can go out in our backyard and play, we can video chat with our family, we can watch a little more tv, we can cook more food and bake more things because we’re home more. Our temporary normal means that the kids don’t have to go to the grocery store any more and that we have more time in our day because we’re not traveling around town. Our temporary normal means no play dates and no baseball practices and no trivia nites out. Our temporary normal is just that….temporary.

Maintaining a Schedule

One of the things I’ve learned over the years is that schedule is key. It’s key for me completing my work, maintaining my fitness, and when I keep a blog writing schedule, it’s key to that success as well. So, even though it’s only been a week so far, we’re maintaining bed time and get up time. We start homeschooling at 815am and take snack and lunch and recess and finish school around 3pm. We’re making up “specials” work. And this coming week, when my students “come back to class”, I will be holding a Zoom meeting for each course section at regular class time to start to create some kind of consistency for them.

A tiny Bit of Anger

I have to admit that things aren’t all unicorns and rainbows over here. Life is real and I have a little bit of anger about this situation. The things I’m angriest about are those who are judging others. I have written about this topic before (see here). I just can’t stand people who can’t respect other people’s choices.

Two areas that have irked me are people who are upset with others who are wearing masks. While I believe that the masks should be reserved for those who need it and especially medical personnel, I can’t stop you from wearing your mask. I don’t know who you are or what your situation is. I am not judging you and I won’t; but I am sure as hell judging those who “can’t stand you wearing your mask”. UGH!

The second area that has rubbed me the wrong way is people demanding free things. Look, it is WONDERFUL (in my opinion) that the utility companies have canceled disconnections and that internet providers are offering connections for students who need it to maintain school, but people…..these people need to get paid sometime too. I get it. We’re all under a lot of stress right now. Some of you may not have income at this time, some of you are suffering from anxiety of all sorts. I hear you, I see you, I feel you. However, that’s no reason to deserve something for nothing.

I guess this area hits hard for me because my brother works for a utility company. He is still out there doing his job with the mask, gloves, and hand sanitizer that his company gave him to protect himself. Does he not deserve a pay check too? So, when your disconnection happens in a few more months when all of this lifts and you can’t pay your bill because you didn’t work, I AM SORRY and I hope that there is a way for you to find the assistance that you need to get back on your feet. However, I don’t think that the utility companies shouldn’t charge during this time. They need to pay their employees who went in to work and came into your homes and provided you with the service that you needed to make it through this time…..however long it may be.

YOGA

In all of this YOGA keeps floating into my mind…..

Yoga means to yoke, join, or unite. It’s what we all need right now; to come together while staying apart.

Check out this Coping Calendar from Action for Happiness:

Colorful calendar from Action for Happiness with daily tips for how to cope with this public health crisis

One of the first things it suggests is to make a plan for how to stay calm and connected. So, here’s my plan:

  • Keep going as I am while following all of the guidance and rules out there right now
  • Keep active and start retraining for my half marathon which may not happen in 2020 depending on how things turn out
  • Keep in contact with my friends and family via text and video chats and phone calls at least once a week
  • Try to get back to this blog because someday it will serve as a record for how we all came through this…..together

I sincerely hope that you and all of yours are safe and well during this time of uncertainty. Keep checking back in as I hope to have more videos of yoga practice, fitness in the home, and ideas for keeping ourselves together throughout all of this!

Namaste

TOLT #81 – Bronchitis, Allergies, and Other Crap

Amidst all of the coronavirus hub-bub I’ve gone and gotten sick to the point that it has wiped me out of EVERYTHING! If you life in the south you know all about how allergies are a thing almost all year round….well, things are blooming and I’ve got them kicked up. But it’s not just allergies that have me down.

Nope!

My students are coming to school sick and sharing their germs with me. Magically my kiddos have escaped the bugs this year (mostly because I am keeping them at arms length from me at the time being), but I have not. I have been on and off sick now for almost two weeks and now officially have bronchitis.

On top of that, I’ve had two….count them TWO UTIs in the past month from all of the AMAZING running I was doing up until the point I got sick.

 

All that being said….I just wanted to check in on this wet and miserable Thursday to say I am now on

So that means time for me to recuperate and catch up on life and blogging.

What’s on your mind today?

Have you been sick and/or worried about a pandemic?

Check back next week for some real posts!

Training Plan Tuesday #13 – February 2020

It is warm out here…..I mean really warm for February! Yesterday, at the track, it was almost 70F! I think that a mild winter has helped me to be more on top of my training than I ever have before. However, I’ve also being trying to be mindful in my consistency and that means that I skipped a total of 8 days of exercise last month. I am now 5 days behind on my training plan that was revamped to include all of the workouts I had skipped last fall. REALLY, I’m still doing workouts from the beginning of January, so you choose…..5 days or 5 weeks behind, I’m still behind! Continue reading “Training Plan Tuesday #13 – February 2020”

Heavy Lifting

I just finished lifting packages that said “Unassisted lift can result in injury”. It’s pouring down rain and they were delivered while I was out getting my kids from school. When I got back they were just sitting there, in front of the garage, soaking up the rain. I knew they needed to get inside the garage, but we don’t have a garage door like other garages. We have barn doors that we built and that have to be manually unlocked and then unlatched and then latched and locked shut again. It would have taken more time to open and close the doors than to work around them.

So, why am I telling you this very detailed story about moving packages?

Well, today I had planned to do a track run and then swim. I am about 5 days behind in my training; which means that I’m actually about a month behind in my training. Hence all of the two-a-days. I got up, did what I needed to do to get out of the house. Dropped the kids at school and ran two errands. After being almost an hour behind I ran a third errand. Then, I looked at my schedule for the day and it was basically blank. I just had a few easy computer things to do…..no serious commitments.

And then I thought about how my legs ached and it was kind of chilly and gloomy out. It wasn’t raining right then, but it had been and more was coming. I thought about a lot of things…..

I thought about how I haven’t spent much time with friends lately, not even talking because I’m not in a sharing mood.

I thought about how my relationship is going through a rough patch and I feel like everything I do to calm it doesn’t work but everything I do to fight for things makes it worse as well.

I thought about how upset I am with my sister and how our relationship is bad right now too.

I thought about how helpless I feel to change my current situation and how helpless I feel to help my family through some tough times they’re having.

I thought about my grandmother who is currently in the hospital with CHF far away in Iowa.

I admitted out loud, to myself, that I AM DOWN.

And then, I got in my car, ran one more errand and went home. I skipped working out today because I can. I did my computer work and then got some water, crawled under a blanket on the couch, and watched a little HULU. I took a me day, not to be sad and wallow, but to take care of myself. Today was not my day for working out, but tomorrow will be…..or so I thought.

And then the boxes arrived…..in the rain.

I tell you this story because I have one main goal behind this blog: Honesty. I am a fitness professional who sometimes struggles to exercise. I am not perfect and it doesn’t always come easily for me. And because I can be honest about this struggle, hopefully you too can be honest about the days when you struggle. And when we can be honest, we can also be compassionate. Today I took all of my heavy heart and let it sit and rest. I treated myself well and honestly recognized that today was not a good day to push any more than what I had.

A lot of bloggers I read write about the spoons…..about running out of them by the time they get dressed. I didn’t run out of spoons today. I still had enough left to lift those boxes and drag them into the garage through the rain that was pouring inside and out. I have enough left to parent my children and to be an active participant in my life. I am strong and not just physically.

Tomorrow will be another day and I will be out there running the streets with a smile on my face as wide as it will reach. But, for now, I’m going to go and dry off and get back to my snugly blanket + two kids.

 

What do you do when it’s a heavy lifting day for you?

How much honesty and compassion have you given yourself today?